Relationship with grandparents
TLDR; My parents have a different approach to parenting, discipline through punishment like hitting and yelling. They have punished us as kids by locking us in the bathroom, hitting us at the slightest pretext etc. We, however, prioritize patience and understanding with our children, never resorting to physical discipline. My husband sets a great example by being patient with the kids. Unfortunately, this clashes with my parents' expectations, who believe in the old methods. It's causing tension and affecting the relationship between my parents and my kids. While I understand their perspective, it's important for them to adapt. My older toddler behaves well overall and we get frequent compliments from her school on her good behavior as well as she's known as the silent well behaved kid in our circle, but like any kid, she has her moments. My mother struggles to handle these moments without losing her patience or showing anger and is less affectionate. I want my parents to understand, but it's challenging. I don't want to cut ties, but I'm questioning the value of visits if my kids don't feel loved and accepted for who they are. Am I overreacting?
The old ways are correct. New ways are wrong.
Why do you have to be troll? Is it because its Friday?
It’s because Uber wants us to come spank them
Not overreacting at all. You have figured right way of parenting, and your parents are not right at all. Children need love and patience (from grown ups) above most other things. I don't think you need anymore advice on this.
No, you are not. With all due respect, your parents should have 0 say in how you raise your kids. If they want to help, they follow your rules. No one but you knows what’s best for your kids. As someone who was raised in a similar environment (nothing crazy, but have definitely received my share of physical discipline), I fully agree with your approach! Physically punishing kids is an absolute no no. Also, if you haven’t already done so, try talking to your kids about temper tantrums and how it affects others around them. My kid surprisingly understood this and rarely throws a temper tantrum. Even when he does, all we say is “we don’t throw temper tantrums, do we?”, and he says “no” and immediately stops! lol Lastly, assuming you are around when your parents visit, when such episodes happen, you could ask your parents to move to a different room or take your kid to a different room till things settle down.
Thank you! Yes, we don't allow them to have a say as much as we can but my mother is really cold towards my daughter. Somehow my daughter senses it and absolutely hates being with her. This irks my mother more and she blames us for not being hard on her. But I've noticed my mother not putting any effort to build a relationship with her at all. We can't expect a toddler to understand an adult mind. Makes me sad coz we had a great relationship with our grandmother. But will have to swallow the hard reality that it won't be similar in our situation.
You have control as you are the gatekeeper to their grandchild. Explain to them you expect them to follow your parenting plan and if they don’t follow your guidelines you will restrict access. If they follow your parenting plan you will give them more opportunities to spend time with your children (ie vacations at grandparents)
Beat their ass if they're not patient
Ask your parents if they are okay with getting hit by you if they do something wrong.
You aren't overreacting. It is your family now and you get to decide what's best. You are who you are because of the situations you lived through, and saying it's not right absolutely diminishes your life experience. Your parents had their chance, which they most likely screwed up, and don't let them overextend their influence down to your family if you don't like it. A quick suggestion would be setting strict boundaries. If they don't respect the boundaries, you'll need to figure out some other form. Good luck.
You’re not overreacting. Research shows “the old ways” are deleterious. I doubt you can convince your parents though. I think the only solution is to significantly reduce interactions.
And don’t leave the kid alone with your parents. That means they don’t babysit. They only play with kids under your supervision. If you need a babysitter, hire one.
Thank you! Agree, reducing interactions is the way to go in this situation.