This is going to be maddeningly vague but due to the sensitivity of the situation, I can't reveal the exact details. But here goes: I did something that I thought was just harmless fun to another person that I really like. It suddenly hit me like a brick that what I did was wrong because I was toying with someone's emotions. This person was happy at the time but has moved on now. If I confess to them, they'll never speak to me again, and in fact it'll destroy both them and me in various ways. If I don't confess, but gentle extricate myself from the situation, they won't even remember in a couple of days. So I'm in a situation where confessing will destroy both parties utterly and completely so that's def not an option. The problem is the part where I said it hit me like a brick! I'm talking sudden onset of nausea, crawling skin, like my soul was being ripped apart. I believe this was a sign that what I did was wrong and damaging to my inner core and if I don't stop, it'll kill me. So I've decided to recognize that what I did was wrong. How do I now forgive myself? I can't really apologize to this person who has no idea I wasn't being myself. How does one move on without the closure that comes from revealing a life destroying truth?
Life-destroying truth? Yeahno, let’s not be an asshole to someone and also then destroy their life in order to soothe your own guilt for being an asshole to them. What a fucking easy question that was! Please settle your consultation fee with the receptionist on your way out. NEXT!
^This. Totally agree!
Some truths are better untold...
Depends on what you did.
Are you married but slept with a coworker?
No but I pretended to be something I'm not which wasn't honest to me or to them. I toyed with their emotions at the time which was not okay. They don't know that I was toying and have actually forgotten about it. It's me who feels the guilt suffocating me like a 1000 ton truck.
I think the best course of action for everybody is: 1. Do not confess. Let your coworker be happy, especially if they've forgotten. 2. See a therapist and work on your immediate feelings and long-term growth. I also think you're probably putting too much weight on how this will affect your coworker (why would it destroy them vs. just labeling you a manipulative asshole and moving on? Especially if it's something so small that they've forgotten it already). Consider that you're overreacting yourself. So shrink first, then you can decide how much, if at all, to reveal.
A Boston person treating a person like shit, not surprised. Don't say anything to that person and transfer/move to Bay, forget it ever happened and dont do it again.
Just do your job.
Keep it to yourself unless there’s something that you need to disclose for their health (like an STD!) And then work on being a better person. Acts of service. Write it down in a journal so you don’t forget whatever it was that got you in this situation.
Thank you. Your response is so helpful. There's nothing about the act that needs to be disclosed for their sake. I just need to work on being a better person and get over the guilt of not being myself.
Acts of service! Do one a day. Even if it’s just an extra tip or thank you to someone. Call an old friend and ask how his/her life is and really listen.
So what, you had an affair with a coworker? And you realized you were just using her and don’t want anything serious, but you don’t want to tell her for fear of retribution? Yeah nobody’s heard that one before. Your “life destroying truth” isn’t nearly as special or unique as you think it is, you’re just a common asshole. Get over yourself, do the right thing and end it with both of them. Or keep being a selfish asshole, it’s your call. Moron.
Don't tell them. If you do, you both will have to live with the consequences (you know what those might be). Now, you made a mistake like a normal human being does and learnt it was wrong. There are two possibilities here 1.) You think it was wrong because it is opposite to some of the societel paradigms (ethics) or 2.) It was wrong because as a result of it the other person will leave you. If you stand on 1, that means you have started to think about what's ethical and not (that's ideal way of learning after we make mistakes) in the world towards everyone. If you stand on 2, you have a limited bandwidth to think and it's likely you'll make another mistake of the same level. Where do you put yourself? Character building is the hardest chapter in life. If it's not natural, it comes after making mistakes like the one you made.
Def the 1st part. For 2, as far as the other person is aware, no wrong was done. But I honestly try to be a moral person and I slipped and now it's eating me inside on how to forgive myself. I'll definitely not do it again. But your response is helpful, I appreciate it :)
You should not think about forgiving yourself. Let it eat you and even kill you if possible. If it doesn't you got lucky, if it does you probably deserved it. Think about it this way, the life you're living now is extra. Do as much good as possible. It won't undo what you did, nothing will. But you'll at least have a balance of good and shitty stuff 😬
Whats the TC of your emotions?
lol
Lying to save someone’s feelings never works. Be honest. Own your shit. And give them the chance to decide what they want to do next.
Not an option. I'll be out of a job and friendship, hated by everyone I know, they'll wanna kill themselves and never trust anyone again. But if I just stop doing what I was doing, they won't care and their won't be any negative externalities.
Some truths are better left unsaid, amigo.