How to deal with people who victimize the aggressor?
I was in a bad situation at my last job, I was at a party and was offered a drink by an older executive. I could immediately feel my mouth going numb and vision got blurry. I woke up the next morning in this persons house with welts on my back and marks on my neck. I left immediately and turned in my resignation at the company. To this day, when I tell people this story there are people who react with “well maybe they thought you were sober?”, “but going on a rampage against them will end their career and make you look bad”, “you don’t have proof so people won’t believe you, it’s best to let them live” How do you deal with those responses? I used to get angry and ask people how they would feel if this happened to a loved one... but that doesn’t get through to them... how would you handle it?
You can still file a police report. This is not an HR incident, it’s rape. If you were treated for injuries and had filed reports with HR, produce the copies to the police. Hire a lawyer to represent you, one of the mistakes victims make is not having legal representation when filing rape reports, and that ends up hurting them
I truly hope those peope are a tiny minority and most of peope you confine to are supportive to help you deal with this traumatic and abusive event.
What kind of job do you have where pursuing legal action against this would “end your career”? Are you an engineer? Are you just making this all up?
Also as someone who has been slipped knockout drugs *twice*, you don’t immediately feel your mouth getting numb or your vision going blurry. In fact I don’t even know what kind of drug would produce those effects prior to making you blackout - maybe a really strong hit of weed?
Can weed even do that? That too in a drink? My doctor said it was a mix of narcotics and benzodiazepines
It can make you faint but yeah it would not black you out for an extended period
I'm so sorry this happened and that you are getting these responses. I've honestly have never found a good way to respond to these kind of statements. My two cents: however you respond, think critically about your friendship with folks that aren't supporting you through such a terrible experience, and hopefully feel comfort in the many people that hear and believe you.
Sorry to hear this happened to you. You are a victim of a criminal act. Your aggressor must face consequences, or he will continue to act the same with other people. See Larry Nassar, bill Cosby, Weinstein.
This
If you are correct that coming out is a career ending move, get a good lawyer (Gloria Allred). You can sue for lifetime damages.
@OP I am sorry that this happened to you. People who react like this are not worth your time and effort. My 2 cents ..... Their opinion doesn't matter and you do whatever you deem is the best recourse. It's a shame they feel like this but you can choose to be the bigger person and ignore such comments. I am not claiming it's going to be easy to not have an emotional response but why waste your breath on such un-empathetic lot.
I would go talk to the police and show them all the info you have
This is a terrible thing that happened to you. So you should do whatever makes you happy and gives you peace, and #%?* everyone else.
You deal with them by acting early, while the marks are still on your neck and traces of that substance you drank is in your blood. If you come forward after years then people have reasons not to believe you. I am not saying that you are lying but you have no evidence that this was exactly what happened and people may or may not believe you
But I couldn’t because of being treated for trauma after the incident and the fact that I would be publicly named, it would have basically ended my entire career. I still have the pictures. I got tested and there was a report filed with the board of the company, but nothing came of that because I wasn’t willing to give up my identity.
Nice, blaming the victim.