I’ve dated a number of women who pushed for marriage and children but I just wasn’t comfortable with the effort they were putting into their life to be confident that I want to commit to them for life and had to let them go A lot of our conversations pretty much end up with them telling me “once we get married I’m going to be the greatest wife and mother you’ve ever seen” And how am I supposed to believe that? They see my ambition and I guess it inspires them but I actually have proof of my work ethic. How am I supposed to know that once I risk half of my networth and my legacy that the woman is going to hold up her half of the bargain? Or is it something I just have to risk? The worst part is when you don’t want to commit (with good reason) they think you just used them for sex even though I am always 100% honest with my expectations. If I say I’m not looking for a stay-at-home wife why are you trying to convince me? I’m 24 making 350k and in great shape (physically) so there is no shortage of women selling me their “potential” but I’m also not an idiot. I’m sure divorce courts are filled with men who hoped their wives would change for the better but never did. How can I be sure?
See how they are with kids.
There’s always a risk but generally, you just know.
So the gut-feeling is true right? There’s definitely some women I’ve been with where I can tell they would be great mothers and wives but they weren’t THAT attractive so I also just let them go It’s like I can pick between a beautiful woman who has little work ethic, or an average looking girl who is a hard worker. Maybe this is why men “settle”?
So you pretty much use the women as well and then wonder why they feel used.
A lot of our conversations pretty much end up with them telling me “once we get married I’m going to be the greatest wife and mother you’ve ever seen” That’s a red flag in itself if they are trying to sell you.
Good point, I didn’t think of it that way before. I always had a gut feeling but this is confirmation
You are still very young. You have time. Once u you get older you will know
I’m in my early 30s and married with two kids and I think this isn’t great advice. I’m glad that I took dating for marriage seriously when I was 24. Just think about basic timelines: - let’s say OP wants to marry and have 2-3 kids with someone around his age - if it takes him a year to find someone worth marrying, he’s 25 - date 18 months before engagement (this is fast), he’s 26.5 - plan wedding for 12 months, he’s 27.5 - want a year as a married couple before you’re burdened with pregnancy and parenthood? He’s 28.5 - then you have to conceive, grow, and deliver… This is a pretty fast timeline and he’d be approaching 30 with no kids yet. If he wants several children I would suggest a sense of urgency, openness, and transparency in his dating tactics. To the OP’s question: you just sort of know when someone’s going to be a good mom. My wife came from a loving family that put family first. She was great with cousins and other little kids in the family before we ever had kids. She was not particularly career driven but she was a diligent worker that took things seriously. We discussed her leaving the workforce to be a stay a home mom. We discussed what type of family we wanted to build together. We discussed my role as provider and what types of jobs I should seek (and what types of jobs I should avoid). It wasn’t that hard for us and I just sort of knew.
I agree I’m young but I also don’t just want to keep having mindless casual sex with women @BMW what were some specific examples you saw from your wife that let you know that even though she wasn’t career driven she was still a hard worker?
Google '@Endeavor' is back with a new name.
You're 24, so I assume women you're dating are younger. I don't think you can really tell at that age. Just keep dating and try to keep a long term relationship. Find a woman who likes kids.
They’re from another country. Get your passport, bro.
You have to date them bro, not just talk to them. See if they are wife like now, not the potential for it later.
That’s what I’m doing, and when I don’t see the wife qualities I try to communicate
Time to end it. People don’t change unless something massive happens to them to make that change. Doubt that getting married will make her wifelike. More like the opposite.
Errrr a good relationship is never going to be transactional, it’ll hopefully be unconditional
All relationships are transactional to some degree. And they have continuous transactional expectations. I’ve been a good husband and father up to this point in my life. My wife loves me. But if I were to quit my job, start smoking weed all day, and stop providing for my family, my wife would have the right to stop loving me eventually. I would be violating the basic understanding of our relationship and breaking her trust. Same goes for the inverse if she were to hypothetically just stop caring for the kids. I didn’t sign up to be with an absent mother. There’s no problem acknowledging that “harsh” reality.
Bay Area?
New York
350k is like 250k in Seattle, right? Every other tech guy(FAANG/goodstartup) is making that kind of money. What's so special about you that girls are begging you to get married? Unless, of course, you are dating unemployed women.