27M I saw this girl at work and I seen her for a couple days and I really wanted to ask her out and I debated on doing that because I’m not really catch Thought to myself I should just ask her since I’m not a kid anymore and I do that and she said that she is not looking to date anyone at the moment Got called into HR about making unwanted advances which all I did was ask and speak to her only once since we are on different floors Later, I am at lunch in the courtyard and another guy goes and ask her out and she gives her number. Like WTF! I haven’t dated in 11 years because of this and now that I want to try to find connection again, this shit happens
I think you’re missing a significant part of the story between 2nd and 3rd paragraph where you did do something that you haven’t described. It wasn’t just asking to speak and then being called by HR!
I asked her out. I wrote it in there and I just went up to her and introduce myself and said that she looks amazing and then I asked her out.
Maybe you don’t have the charms, or have a bad/creepy reputation at work. Maybe you should have asked her in the courtyard, assuming you went to her office
Once is ok but maybe there was something else you're not telling us.
No it was literally once. I am not joking. That was the first time I ever spoke with her
Yeah, getting asked out by strangers, even a random co-worker, can seem intimidating. Do you know for sure if the other guy was meeting her for the first time as well? Given that so many guys seem to be interested in her, it's safe to assume this happens to her often - and therefore is not always welcome. A safer move might have been to cultivate her acquaintance, gauge her interest, and then ask her out. Asking her out point blank backfired.
Explain to HR that you have asked only once. It is not against any HR rules. Meanwhile ask HR out if you like her :)
Ignore the idiotic feminists suggesting you did something wrong. They are clueless. For women it doesn’t matter so much “what” you do, it matters “who you are in their eyes”. If to them you’re some hot guy they will perceive this kind of interaction as welcome (within reason). Otherwise, no matter what you do, in any kind of advance, it will be perceived as creepy and unwanted. The only thing you did wrong was be unattractive. You should absolutely not approach women at work if you value your job. It is not safe as a man. This policy is how every man should operate, even if they are a really hot guy. The currently political environment is entirely at fault for ruining any chance of any office crush from blooming, as all of HR is inundated by DEI and woke poison. Women post here complaining all the time about why some guy they like at work never makes any moves — this is why. It’s not safe for men. There are a lot of things you can do to become more attractive to women. It would be best to instead focus on those, and then craft a specific way to engage with women that works for your optimized level of attraction, which is unlikely at work, and more likely through friend groups/events/hobbies.
Literally
This applies to everything in life.