So I have been working in the US for 6 years after getting my masters here. I’m still exploring my area of interest and want to try out some more opportunities before making a hard call on whether I want to stay here or go back to India (GC queue is waaaaaaay too long lol). Growing up in India I have lived in many different places due to my dad’s job. My family is from south India, but I have lived in north india for a major portion of my life (schooling and bachelors). So I have always had some identity crisis and could never relate to a lot of stuff my parents were used to growing up. They both are very conservative and traditional and grew up in small towns. However my dad was very adventurous when it came to his career, and due to that we lived in different places and I got a lot of multicultural exposure. Fast forward a few years, I came to the US for my masters and job, and my dad retired and my parents moved back to our hometown (a major city in south india) to be close to their siblings and relatives. They are finally in a place where they feel like they belong to the local population and have totally forgotten everything from before. I on the other hand still have identity crisis and still can’t really relate to my culture as well as my parents. Now after coming to the US the gap has widened between me and my parents and it’s making things worse. Adding fuel to fire, I’m heavily being pressured into arranged marriage with mine and my parents ideologies being poles apart. My dad recently came to visit me in the US and it has been just 5 days and already I’m feeling like my dad doesn’t know who I am. He’s set in his own ways and stubborn. I never thought I will have this problem so soon, since my dad was always very progressive when it came to different things in life, was always young at heart and always interested in exploring different things in life. Right now he is not at all caring about how I am and my view of the world. To make matters worse he refuses to be at peace until I get married. 🤷🏻♂️ I have been putting in so much effort to bond with my dad and introduce him to things I like and my hobbies, but seems to be set in his own ways and keeps shitting on US and praising modi and India (and blindly ignore all the bad stuff about India and good stuff about US). I can’t believe this is the same person who was always young at heart and lived in so many places and travelled to different countries and explored their local cultures. I feel like I don’t know my dad anymore and he also will never understand me. 😪
Are you from Chennai ? Just put your foot down on things that matter to you. I think they will eventually accept it. For others things that you don't care so much, just let it go.
I have (maybe still have) a similar type of situation. Thing to understand is neither you will change, nor your dad. I would suggest having a conversation (maybe multiple conversations) to clarify that you both have a different mindset and thats ok, both need to respect each others thoughts and approach and let go if one does not do things the way other wants. For example you should understand that your Dad is no longer young and wont be interested in activities that you introduce him to. He needs to understand that you will be taking your life decisions on your own, you will consult them, but still take your own decision. This is very difficult to implement but after multiple arguments and discussions both will kindoff get it. Important thing is keep communicating even if you disagree. All the best!
I am in a very similar situation with my mom. Don’t talk to dad bc they divorced. What has been working for me so far is spending quality time with my mom — the way she prefers like going to temple etc. Then whenever I sit down to have a deep conversation about our lives, she is willing to listen to my considerations.
I’m a 40 year old white guy from the US. I’ve never gotten along with my dad. This is going to sound like tough love and it is, you’re an adult man, you’re not a kid anymore. Grow up man, you’re doing incredible things. Live your life for you. Do what makes you happy and block out the negativity. Sometimes it’s hard because it’s family but you’re both in very different places than when you were younger. People change as you know. Don’t sweat it. You’re not in the wrong.
Life will keep evolving and you will keep trying to understand yourself and that’s life. It will never end. Your dad is likely worried about your marriage due to age. If you have a girlfriend or you are type of person who can easily find someone then fine. Else just go with arrange marriage now vs asking your parents to start the process in X years. I guess you are about 30.
I believe i get your situation. Its not your nor your dads fault. He has been branwashed by Indian media over many years. I recommend you be patient and teach him about how various country's governments in the world operate by spreading propaganda. India is one of them , in indian media you will find: praise of bjp gov, negative stuff about muslims and pakistan, media shows India as superpower and highlight other country's problems. They potray that whole world is burning and at war with WW3 always around the corner while Indians are blessed with god modi and 5 kg ration. Teach him how propaganda works, how media is controlled, and how India is not better than USA in reality. If he's a rational person he will understand you within a few months.
I just read first paragraph till GC queue part. Just go back!
Haha not gonna change my relationship with my dad still