So,, I have this weird mindset, which is “I have to be useful” So I am always trying my best to make many different stakeholder happy. I do things because I want my gf, family, friends to be happy. It is always trying to find the intersection where it causes the least friction. My parents tell me do what “I” want but I don’t know. I feel like it is better to die than do harms to others. I am not sure why I am like this.
Did you just call gf and family stakeholders? Our brains are cooked keep your chin up its good you want to make people happy. You can also learn to prioritize yourself at times and not care about what people think. Ultimately it takes you having to deliberately change your thoughts you might have about yourself which a part the way you are and part childhood stuff
Why should we love ourselves? We’re not that great! Read through posts on Blind.