I know comparison is a thief but I’m genuinely curious to see if people who are in tech jobs (like SWEs etc) with a partner who works at a non-tech job ( like finance Analyst or finance manager ) find it hard to commit to longer term goals like buying a home in the bay area where they are already in the order of millions ? Do you find that it’s harder for you folks to build a life that peer couples or friends who are couples where both of them work in tech jobs and have tech jobs ? If you do find it difficult- how do you manage through - what is your plan ? Edit - this is not for my personal situation but rather something I have observed in the circle of people I’m around - hence was wondering how people generally feel about it TC: 210k #tech #nontech #finance
You are inherently comparing. That will keep you unhappy. Aspiring for more is just as fine as accepting current situation. What you are doing is, how can they afford? What’s missing in me? Such a gap analysis is not healthy. You will be looking to fill your gaps and still end up with a giant void every time.
This is a good insight - what you say might be true as I’m thinking of it - especially I might coming from a place where I’m feeling the FOMO for people who are in the situation that I describe above . Thanks for the insight
Sorry, what is your exact question? Do people whose spouse’s make less money feel resentful that they don’t make more? I’m not sure what tech has to do with anything.
Nah not resentful, I’m wondering if they will in general lesser growth trajectory in terms of building their lives and affordability compared to couples who both work in tech ? And how do they manage it
No we don’t. Also, comparing yourself to others is a very toxic way to live. There will always be someone more successful than you. I optimize for wellbeing of my family, and try to limit our exposure to tech-centric social circles. Ppl there tend to be needlessly jealous and competitive, talk about their jobs all the time. I don’t wanna waste my time listening to another pip drama when I’m off the clock and can literally do anything else.
This is a good insight to have, so are you saying - if you limit your exposure to tech centric social circles like, regardless of what you can afford or not, you still feel content because you optimize for wellbeing of family ?
I feel content regardless whom I hang out with. But my preference is to be around ppl outside of tech who are more successful than me. I choose to avoid tech social circles because tech ppl are not fun.
I know couples who struggle when the husbands push the wives to become SWEs. Others who choose to embrace the difference and work things out seem to lead more fulfilling lives. Just my observations.
This is a good insight - so for the more fulfilling ones - I’m guessing they stop trying to chase the same TCs that tech couples have and rather focus on how much they can afford and just accept it ?
Yes. The other couples focus on other quadrants of life such as having kids and the wife focusing more on taking care of the family because they are already skilled at their non-tech jobs and there is less competition. The partner’s health and the upbringing of the child are equally important. Being healthy and happy also saves costs and time! For the ones whose wives switch careers they struggle because the wives starting over in tech which is currently very competitive and have to focus on building out a new career; thus they need to put other plans on hold. Getting a job in tech is one thing, staying in the job and keeping career options open is the key to sustainable financial health.
Lesser growth trajectory? There are high paying jobs other than tech.
Doctors
I am non-tech (male) and my wife is SWE. In the first two years of our dating she made double my salary, currently I make more due to promotion & role-change (within non-tech). I know she's just one job change away from making 1.5x again, and I hope that happens sooner than later. We have few friends where a spouse tried to switch into tech out of desperation and it is not working out well. Unless it is a question between 350k HH income (1 tech + 1 non-tech) vs 1 M HH income (2 senior/staff tech) I don't think it matters that much.
This is awesome !! Congratulations! Are both in fact at Amazon too ? And regarding HH income of 1M - i think for people to be 2 staffs or 2 seniors they’d prolly have to compromise elsewhere I think ? Cause their jobs will be pretty demanding in general at that level?
We have only non-tech friends. Even though my wife is non-tech, all our friends are poor as fck. If you feel bad, make friends with the 99% of the rest of the country.
lol that’s a good perspective to it in - 99% of the rest of the country - which means it’s not really poor - it’s rather normal
The issue is ~20 years ago (for me) the same folks in our social circle who were more or less same income level as me (single income) is now leaps and bounds higher. That makes it difficult to engage meaningfully. If we can easily shed their friendship and make new friends within my income group, it would be OK. But thats the challenge. At the same time, these are mind games. Need to tame the mind to focus on whats important.
I'm still single but as I look for a partner I definitely am thinking about how much she makes to help afford a reasonable lifestyle. TC ~ 280k.
What would be your minimum TC expectations for your partner ? Do you want her to be in tech or a SWE job ?
Sounds like you want to buy things you can't afford and are blaming an entire other person for it
Nah I’m not planning to buy anything, I’m curious to learn about this because I see a few in my circles being in this state so was wondering
They probably don't even think about it like that. What they can afford is what they can afford, money is secondary.